im sick and tired of this crap happening to me that suffocation i just want to run now, run till i drop on my knees and there i know where my limit lies.
i have lost faith in alot of things i used to believe, this is disturbing images, scenes, scripts i heard before. is this karma? is this retribution?
the signs seem like its saying so. im short of breath, for awhile things seem like its a breeze. but now its as if im walking through muds of lava in hell alot of unhealthy feelings thought. if i can draw what im feeling now. u can see this blue beast with bloody claws. cracking my skull from inside as i put both my hands onto my ears.
this tornado of emotions is driving me crazy! am i over reacting and should i just put patience in what i have endured all this while will my silent prayers finally answered?
what happened to me? my complexion grow darker, eyebags starts appearing pimples starts bubbling, im poor in both ways, money and happiness.
dear god.. the only thing i ask for is bring that happiness back. for money i do not care for now.
*i dont need another puppet. *or just a one night stand. (*BOTH ARE NOT IN SEXUAL TERMS)
hypocracy, double standards, naive, narrow minded, why does this exist? why there are such things happening.
i believe in a open state of mind, confidence, equality, fairness. but things around us and particularly me. is not happening. and i tend to fall into trap doors where this feeling i cant respond orderly as i have always been, and sometime hatred.
when the days were bright, 4:22 AM
Monday, December 15, 2008
its halfway thru december and now finally i woke up from a head spinning nap. suddenly decide what the hackits been freaking too looong...yeah thats right too long im going crazy...
everyday i look at people and places in the diferent directions despite looking normal... IM LOStwith little sense of direction. almost forgetting the password for blogspot. Someone from abroad finally came back to singapore though reluctantly beyond her own will. And not i wanted.. Met her thrice since she came.. and i have mix emotions running thru myself. i think maybe she feels the same, just maybe. what does it means when someone cant look in the eye? any takers? well despite the past, we still got the guts to meet up. Syafiq..syafiq.. am i still cling onto something u dont know? , where was the freewill me.. hands untied and were flying thru the sky? i feel theres a chain tied on the neck and feet im a prisoner of war or something. and now im crawling. now somehow i lost interest in building up the body i was once had.. SAIFUL TALK SOME SENSE ON ME FAST IM HAVING BEER BELLIES AND JELLY ARMS.. AND PLATFORM CHEST
and u december babies... are leeches hahah foreigners from the group :P majority of you are born in this days... u knoe once my freinds are equal haha one people one nation one singapore... there were equal people in different months. now most of us are monorities.. xD haha im just joking december babies.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DECEMBER BABIS... i mean BAbies... what? cant take a joke? hahah these are the dicks and tits i know celebrating their birthday: *Fred* *Arif* *Iqah* *IzaH* *RASYIDAH* *the yoda of all paitaos, Radhyah* *Iskandar*(however i know u dont read this) some people i know is not mentioned above its either i forgot (im sorry 19 yeard of age is old enuf for me) or i want u to rot i n hell hahahhhahahahahahahahhahaha!
ahaha ya ya i know u label me jackass haha but too bad my blog i rule.. :P
talking about pigs.. best known as BABI in malay. my guitar comrades and myself had bbq pit. and we palyed this game called BABI, this game was introduced by the eater himslef Berwin haha.
The game goes someone has to start the round by saying "one frog ", followed by the guy next to him he must say "jump into the water", and the next guy must say " bush". then the next guy starts a new round by saying "two frogs ", now here is where it begins. the next guy must also says "two frogs ", then the next guy must say "jump into the water", followed again the next guy must say jump into the water as well. GOT what im trying to say here? it adds up.. and it goes on and on until someone either forget what he suppose to say or he said wrongly. ANd that unlucky guy gets the letter "B" and if he continues to make mistake he gets the letter "A" and so on until he becomes a true PIG or BABI haha and then hes out of the game. but its not over the babi can disturb the other players once hes out of the round. i think thats why the game was called babi! cause when ur trying to concentrate and the guy is trying to make u do mistake ull tend to shout BABI hhahaha
and during this moment was the chance for me n my freinds get revenge on syaiful who swears alot we really want him to become BABI hahahahha so while playing we tried to distract him and sure enough soon he became a pork chop hahah! AND the best part was.. he shouted angrily but GOD ALMIGHTY Took his voice out and he suddenly choked and lost his voice.. haha for awhile the bbq pit gone quite. he kept swering but he was like whispering.. hahha cian... but our enjoyment was shortlived. despite laughing to the ground and tears of joy as the magical miracle moment happened later that morning he got his voice back..
AT that point of time i only have two words for ya " OH MERCY!" haha
well that was that about the edition of voulgarities.
now lets talk about what have ive done or where had i gone.. well most of the time i shud be rotting but yest i dunnoe how.. for the first time I dated someone without someone supervising her hahah i know to some its kinda lame but this person is under close survellence of her family... and somehow i won the trust of her family.
unexpected though i was told that her aunty wanted to join on this outing but instead its just me and her? erm... shud i say wow? yes? or?? oh-uh.. hah haha swear i dont know what to do im unprepared we both were actually. so we went swensons to eat.. as the dominant male i paid for the meal... ( kaya kapa bang..?) "tak la... baru kene tipu ngan boss duit dah masuk.. " haha wrong move my friend wrong move..
she ate alot well i forced her actually haha cause she's getting thinner (so am i) haha and our dessert was Chocolate Fondue.... yeah my brother chocolate fondue.. this time saiful i get all the BANANAS... hahahahhaha! but out candle that melts the chocolate. kept going off due to the wind. so that night i practiced raising up myhand.. like those days in primary school (checher! checher! the fire went out.) hahaha
i almost if ur reading thank you for the night. x)
well... these are the pictures i dont wanna edit love to keep it RAW... u get what i mean?
there are too many to talk about. batam. raya. bbq pit. bdae parties. lets just put in one slide show shall we?
i miss all of u my friends. so the song in the slide is for u guys. ps. i want to be a go kart race one day...
